Blog migration!

I will be changing blogs once more! I will move the more recent or more notable posts over, but the rest shall stay here in ignomity for the perusal of anyone interested in my life (however few there are). It's been fun, my satisfaction.

http://mineoldsoul.blogspot.com/

Another day.

Here I am, nothing to do at work. As a lowly intern, I am below the level of even the lowliest full time office drone. I sit around waiting for someone to give me stuff to do, sipping on some cham-ais figuring out what it is a clueless intern like me can do. Aside from filing. That's always available, if not totally useless as well. Why do people file? We should be using technology to store information on various organizations instead of slogging through those weird rolly-file cabinets they have here. I'm still running on bloody XP on this computer. I would have imagined Standard Chartered would have upgraded them in the interest of maintaining a faster workpace and higher productivity.

Although me typing this out probably doesn't help things. Did you know they deny access to Facebook here? Major bummer. Though I'm sure that helps productivity considerably.

I've been catching up on some blogs that I haven't had the pleasure to read for years (michaelooi.net and vincentmuses.blogspot.com). These two blogs (vincent more than the other) provides fairly entertaining insights to their regular lives. Whoever reads my blog should probably go to theirs for some daily stories.

Time's slipping through my fingers as I consider what I could have been doing at home if I wasn't working. I must admit I am learning plenty about the working environment here at the company. I rather enjoy Standard Chartered's stand on having open work environment with a friendly atmosphere. Everyone seems to be working on something all the time, chatting amiably with each other. This is far from what I have heard from top-of-the-line companies filled with backstabbing office politics and slacker workers (e.g. slackers like me). I suppose the workers make up for the lack of tech in this place.

6 months into now.

It's been some time since I last posted! Not that anyone would be keeping up with this place, but I thought it'd be a nice thing to point out.

Here I am, at work in an office, at the heart of KL. Situated right beside the Pavilion shopping center, it's a rather interesting experience that has taught me some things about working life. Spending my days slogging away at a computer isn't exactly how I viewed my summer holiday, but oh well. As needs must eh? I suppose a little boredom hasn't killed anyone... though I'm sure there must have been a couple of cases.

Going out and about the city has given me some thoughts though. What else am I supposed to do when I am commuting? People watching is an activity that many people engage in, by choice or not. I've seen how the masses pile themselves like rice in a box as they squeeze themselves into the monorail or the trains. The worst being the KTM, which is packed to the brims. You could even see people using their arms on the doorways to shove themselves in furthur. I've given up on that and instead have been using the much more timely and spacious (and air-conditioned!) LRT.

There are so many different types of people around here. I've noticed that there are many blind people around, something I am not used to seeing, especially in a bustling city like KL. Their plight pulls at something in the back of my mind; here are people who cannot see, yet try to carry on with their lives like nothing is wrong. I gaze on as I see helpful souls - veritable mirrors of the people who shove themselves into trains - taking an arm and leading the blind to wherever they go (as long as it's on the way, I suppose). I've even seen a construction worker in his bright yellow work-vest helping a blind man cross the street. People know when being helpful and good is necesary, even when it's not expected. There's just something about helping others that makes it great, even though there is no benefit for yourself. Perhaps it is the human ability to empathize, to feel - even a little bit - the pain that others feel. Or perhaps they do it just because they are free.

It's been an interesting time. People change, as always, and some things stay the same. My friends are still the zany, crazy people who I know and love. My family is still the slightly strange, very loving, absolutely-drive-me-crazy people that I know and love. The restaurants I frequent still have the wonderfully cooked food that I know and love. The same friends have all started to grow up though, keeping themselves busy with work instead of lazing around with studies. My brother and sister are getting into different ages where they do different things from before. Some of the places I frequent are now gone or have changed locations.

Eh, whaddaya know.

Christmas

It's only a day before Christmas really hits the United States. For many, it's a time of celebration and togetherness with their loved ones. For some, it's a bitter, lonely day that celebrates nothing but the salt of loneliness rubbed into an old wound.

Perhaps for me, it's a time when I can tell myself that I don't have to do anything; the world is on hold on this merry, melancholy day. Of course, over here there will be plenty of cooking to do as I would like to prevent starvation! Classes are obviously over, and the terror of final papers is long past (only a few days really). I find myself just puttering about the house, making adjustments to this or that, enjoying my free time. It's a refreshing experience that helps reset the mind for the coming new year.

I've recently been given the privilege to take care of a cute, quirky, cranky bearded dragon called Megadeth. Some people may remember that that name is a band, and others will not really care. It's a rather fitting name in a way, and the time I spend with this little lizard has been fairly enjoyable - fun even. I'd never have known that lizards could ever be so interesting, especially compared to dogs! Still, Megadeth seems to exude a certain charm that has bespelled me. Sometimes I find myself watching him just perch there on his little Mayan ziggurat, staring almost blankly at nothing. He just sits there for hours, basking in the artificial sunlight like some Mayan priest. His crickets give me no end of laughter, climbing to the top of the ziggurat and being eaten. They remind me of sacrificial lambs being brought to the slaughter. Good fun really.

Somehow this little guy has a personality that comes from continued exposure. Online it is said that bearded dragons are calm and trusting creatures, somewhat slow but agile at the same time. There was once he pretty much knocked his head on the glass repeatedly as I readied his food. Good times.

The half-year that I've been back from Malaysia have seen like an eternity. Lots of things happen here, and many of them far more than interesting.

Long days... even longer nights.

A thrilling conclusion to a semester I must say.



Studying for finals is a new experience... considering how much I've been studying. I think I have studied more this semester than the rest of my life combined twice over. 5 hour study streaks are a new if not inevitable experience for me.



I have found the miracle of Red Bull... in the US this seemingly innocuous drink is a real kick in the balls that wakes people up. You have not had Red Bull till you've had it in the States. There's also this drink called 6-hour Power which really is... 6-hour power. Drinking one of those little bottles of energy keeps you up and going for quite some time!



As you might imagine, finals are just around the corner... tomorrow really (oh crap!). I should be studying, but of course procrastinating is fun too! (even though the exam is in... 12 hours?).

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It's been a fairly interesting 2009 for me so far. Spending a year away from home is an experience that I would like to never repeat again. All the food I'm missing is going to kill me someday. I tide myself over with homemade concoctions of bakuteh (only once so far), chicken rice (oh the horror of cleaning the rice cooker...), and nasi lemak (malay girls for friends = win), but nothing will beat fulfilling a craving for food by driving 10 minutes. I'm sure you'll see me out at night more often than before!

Nothing compares to missing the people that I was so used to seeing back home though. Life-long friends always meet up as if there was never a pause between seeing each other. I think I've been pretty lucky in getting more of those friends here in the States.

Pretty little mistakes...

It's been such a long time since I posted. I don't suppose anyone really misses my little blog anyway ;).

Not a very eventful two months. Had a trip here and there, enjoyed life as any college student should. I finished reading a book called "Pretty Little Mistakes" awhile back, which was very interesting and thoughtful. You go through the book much like a game book: Make a decision, move on to the next page, find out the ending. The decisions you make in life might see you ending up as a drug dealer, a rape victim, or even a butterfly farmer.

Just like the book, our decisions will determine the course of our lives, except we make decisions all the time. Shall we go left or right? Up or down? Arts or Sciences? Chicken or beef? Coke or Pepsi? Sometimes the smallest decision could change our life forever. Perhaps, for once, instead of skipping this class we find an inspiration, an idol, a dream that we want to live up to. Perhaps, maybe, we'll go on a random car ride and end up in the hospital. Perhaps, just for fun, we'll start hanging out with that lonely-looking Asian kid and someday be best friends with the wealthiest man in the world.

Perhaps, just because, we'll compliment someone on their hair and save them from suicide.

There are so many decisions in life. Unlike the book, we can't turn the pages back and see "what if?". We just have to accept that things happen, and we move on. It's a shame that we can't, but I guess it makes things for the better. Life is unpredictable, you might as well be as random as you can.

Mankind always wonders what life would be like if we always made the best decisions. Life's greatest joys and worst tragedies come from the strangest of places and the most far-off reasons.

Why worry? Life is worth living for, always.

My footsteps echo on the walls of the little library beside me. The pavement flows smoothly beneath my feet. I look around, and nobody is there. Just trees, and the burble of a small stream.

It's pretty cold out, I think, but I feel warm.

As I pass the various campus buildings, I see few people on the road. Perhaps it is the late hour, perhaps people are just at home... doing the things people do at night ;). I should be one of those people, but I guess I'm just too far away. It does not sadden me, really. I am a little envious, and not a bit wistful, but what can I do eh? At least I enjoyed the day with a good meal (which had rather good service), and a good time with a friend.

Another day, another memory to store in the reel of film that is life. I feel satisfied with the meal that I had, and the interesting conversations that I listen to. Sitting in a booth in the restaurant, I look around and wonder... which of these couples will last? Love is frequently a fickle thing, even though my friend says it's supposed to be a simple thing.

"Love is simple. You know you have it when you do."

I miss home, but I'm not sad.

I know I have it.

Hm.

I miss home. I miss the people, the food, the atmosphere (minus the constant danger of roads ;)). I miss the little lady I left there, who's still (impatiently) waiting for me. Hehe.

When I'm home I'll miss the freedom, the free time, the privacy, the people, the food, the atmosphere. I'll miss the times of living free, pretty much. I'll miss the studying, wouldn't you know it.

Life is such a contradiction isn't it?
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So I just realized that my study options are going to change by quite a bit. I'm just waiting to see how my parents will want me to go one place or another. It's between economics or something in public affairs, which sounds kind of intersting to me. Decisions, decisions.

I always liked learning about the "big picture". It's always nice to see how everything works, and in the end correct mistakes that happen in the system. Perhaps I am a born leader deeeeep inside. Might account for my loud, obnoxious shouty voice and chilling demeanor... hmm...

Contradictions.

Love is an emotion created by contradictory human beings. Therefore, love is a contradiction:

Love is about peace and fighting;
Hope and despair;
Forgiveness and utter wrath;
Compromise and stubbornness;
Joy and sadness.

Love is about being together, where each person is only one half of the whole;
It's about being special, being true to oneself, independent from others.
People tell you that love is about caring,
And at the same time also about leaving others well alone.

Love is about finding boredom exciting.

It's hard to find love, but it's well worth it.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

... no, really, don't.

It's cold out these days. Really cold. Best part is, it's going to get colder soon enough. Oh well. Thanksgiving holidays are around the corner! Huzzah to that I guess. One must at least give thanks to getting a week off of classes ;).

Been busy just doing projects and keeping up with classes these days. I wouldn't say there's nothing to talk about; life is just routine, and making the routine interesting takes a fair amount of skill and determination. That, and staying up at night. My best thoughts come out at night for some strange reason. Perhaps my body is so tired, my mind keeps busy with just itself instead of managing it. Or perhaps it is because it's sleeping time, so my brain starts roaming in preparation for dreamworld.

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They say couples start to look alike after spending enough time together. It's a strange phenomenon I would think, but I can see how it happens, in a way. We are moulded by the people we hang out with, regardless of how antisocial one is. The experiences we share make us who we are. If we share happy memories, then we'll be happy people. If we share sadness, our faces might droop more. If there is a deep connection between each other, lives and even the physical world changes.

And yet, do we become who we are because we want to, or did we start out with a set path? I've always liked listening to jazz. I've always liked a certain style, or a certain way of doing things. Only my lady and I know who I become when we're together, but I think others may have had hints. She and I can be two of a kind, or one of a kind depending on where we are and what we're doing. I guess that's how we click; we both act the same way. But how does someone quite different from me somehow have the same thought processes as me? Weren't we two independent people? Or did us being together make way for a different view?

It feels like we become who we want to be according to what we want others to see in us. That doesn't make us any less real a person though. If the faces we put on weren't real, then nobody is real.

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I like going to the mall every once in awhile. It's a hassle, but it is worth it at times. The restaurants are all there, so I go to get a good break from boring ol' food once in awhile. The thing that pulls me there more often than not is the pet shop though. Been itching to get my fur fix. I love dogs to death, they're just so cute and lovable. They greet almost everyone with equal friendliness and hope. They'll gladly jump up on you every single day you come home because it's been ages since they've seen you. They roll around and act so damn cute you just have to squeeze their little heads to bits. They're simple and straightforward. And yet, there are times when it gets kind of depressing.

Picture a pet store. A poor man walks in just browsing through the windows. A cute little terrier who has never seen him before jumps up to the window, panting and wagging his tail. The man walks over smiling, seeing how happy the little furball is. The dog and the man both place their hands/paws on the window, and for that instant, for that very picture, they are happy. Think about it though: Who's the one who deserves more pity? The man, or the dog? The man knows he will probably never be able to get the dog. He'll smile now, but it only serves to remind him that he can't get that little friend for a long time. All he can do is hope that the moment lasts as long as possible. The dog on the other hand will greet the next person to come just as enthusiastically as he did before. Someday, the dog will get bought out and will live in a hopefully happy family. The man walks away, stuck with feelings of longing.

Still, they're just so damn cute that you just can't help smiling when you see one. I know my hands twitch when I see one padding along jauntily.

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Life is like crayons: Some people get a six pack, and some get a twelve. Some have an infinite variety to choose from. In the end, it's what you draw with what you have that makes you who you are.

Life.

I was in a car, watching the trees and streetlights swishing by. I had a bag of fries and a sandwich with me, just waiting to be eaten. Best fries I've had, ever. Rallys. Mmmmm...

I look to the front: the driver's an American, a friend really. At his side sits a Malaysian, another friend, my housemate. It's a BMW, a 3-series like home. Fast food at night, wondrous.

I sit at my computer, and I hear laughter, I hear people chatting away. The house usually has something going on, people doing things. Just today my thoughts were interrupted by a minute of non-stop screaming. Ah, pranks played are best enjoyed together.

What would life be without friends?

I think I'd die without friends. Without people to love, people who love me. I'm not very social, but I enjoy laughing. Nobody laughs as hard as they could unless they're with friends, with people they know. I've always been the guy who stands at the side of the party, nursing a drink and just watching people enjoy themselves. I was in an open house today, just eating some Malaysian food, not knowing what to say to these other people.

I find it funny that amongst friends I talk so much, and yet at other times I'm that guy you don't really know. How do people socialize so easily? It's hard for me. But hey, at least I am fun to be around once you know me. Right?

I suppose that without friends all I'd be doing on a Saturday night is watching movies, or interacting with a computer. I'd probably go bonkers trying to find things to do. It's hard for me to get used to new faces, to new people, but I want to. I really do. Maybe it's something I got from my dad. He's friendly if you know him, once he loosens up. Everyone thinks he's stony faced and angry-looking, but that's his "idle" face. I've been told I'm like that too.

People tell me to smile, but I don't know what for so I don't. It's so fake if I do. I try. I try. People who know me remember that, and they don't mind. I hope. Those who are close friends don't care at all, because I know they don't and I am me with them. You can say that I don't have many friends; thing is, I'm always blunt and honest with my friends. I can be whoever I want to be with them, without a care for image. Isn't that great?

But yes, one is thankful for the things one has, and one really does have a lot of things, if you think about it. I've always liked looking at the big picture, the overall idea.

Overall, the picture looks pretty good, really.

A long day...

It's been a long day, as you can see. And it's still going on! Couple of Malaysians have come over, and we're all chatting away having a couple of drinks. Officially everyone is here to do some task for the Malaysian student association, but hey, get a bunch of us around and everyone is social!

It really does feel like a home now, I think. We have a 5.1 sound system for a 42 inch LCD screen, with cable and a very decent internet connection and a powerful WiFi that reaches far enough for all of us. This really does feel like a home now.

Classes seem interesting, and I am aiming for A+'s this semester because I am still waiting for entry into my school of choice, something I am reasonably worried about. I have even taken a peer tutoring job to help me with my resume and my future.

Through it all though, I still miss home; the late nights, the food, the little lady waiting at home for me even now. It's all far away, but yet so close to my heart. Funny, how the world is.

Ah, life. Sometimes you provide the strangest twists.

A new home.

I'm back in the States, as those of you who care should know... and I am in a new house!

Myself and 4 other Malaysians are all in one little home and we have certainly made it cozy! At first everything was dusty and desolate... but after moving in some furniture, after buying (a large number) some decor and lighting, it looks like a wonderful place.

My room is being made into my dream room... ah, the miracles of taste and money. I plan to grab a job this semester, truly I am. That and maybe some plasma donation for extra cash... it'll be great to know that everything has paid itself!

Pictures will come along soon I guess, very soon. I've taken hundreds so far. Can't wait for my room to be finished.

Duality

Ever hear the line 'It's always the quiet one you have to watch out for'? You never know if that guy smiling peacefully is just reminiscing about his latest rape, his most recent kill, his great plan to bomb something. You never know if the person walking past you is actually thinking about what it would be like to stab you. You never know if the guy in the car next to you is wondering what it would be like to throw a molotov cocktail into your open window.

Everyone has faces. Not the one that you see in the mirror, no. That's just your face looking back at you. Yet, you could say that one really does have a flipped side. Another self. An image in a mirror that only you see. The complicated part comes when you realize it's not a mirror you're looking at; it's a funhouse full of faces looking back at you. Some of those faces are familiar, similar even. Some are distorted but still very much you. Quite a number of them are very unlike the original, but retain enough to know that the image on the mirror is you.

Human beings are the same. We have different sides to show people. At home, with friends, alone, with strangers, in a classroom, with best buds, with your wife (or perhaps your husband), with your kids, or your parents. The list could go on and on. People act differently depending on the circumstances. That being the case, how in the world does one truly know another?

Following this, it is logical to think that when one has a different face, one also has different feelings. Sometimes I feel like going out. Sometimes I am out but want to be home. Sometimes I don't want to do anything but I am. Conflicts between the feelings are masked by these faces. Maybe it's just the human condition of wanting everything but yet not actually needing anything. We are all selfish, there's no denying that.

Who can we show all our faces to? Who can truly accept every part of you, every essence of your being? Who can understand your sadistic, suicidal, homicidal, violent, angry, sad, depressed, emotional, hateful, spiteful moments other than the person standing in the mirror? People have their secrets, I suppose. They just don't know they're secrets because it's just another face.

I think that trust is not just being confident in letting someone else do whatever they want. Trust is being prepared for the worst, bracing yourself in case some ugly skeleton falls out of the closet and laughing about it after that. Trust is saying 'Hey, that was then,' or 'You know what, at least in the end it was all worth it'. Those who really trust will understand. Whether or not they forgive is of course their choice.

We judge other people by their face value. We do. Regardless of what our philosophy on 'inner beauty' is, we still look at someone and judge then and there: 'Smoker. Doesn't care for life', 'Used drugs before, a total junkie and useless person', 'Salesman, no future', 'Cleaner, must be uneducated'. You never know, they could have a different face that you'll never see because of those judgements.

But then, I am pretty happy with my faces I think. They don't seem to bother me too much, and I've shown many sides to the people who are important to me. They know me for who I am, and love me for it. Who are you to decide I'm a loser? Who are you to think that I am boring? I've got a hundred other faces and they're all reserved for the people I love.

Which face are you looking at now?

Home.

Just last week (or was it two weeks ago?) I came home.

Seeing old friends, going out often, having a very good time in general, pigging out on copious amounts of food... a vacation I will very much enjoy.

Whatever the crapiness of the 'system' here, whatever the 'danger' of going out at night is, whatever the stresses of 'life' are, it's still home. Screw complaining about things we can't change; life is in front of us, why bother?

Summer...

... has been a hell of a rush! I'm never taking classes in summer again. Never ever ever ever.

All the classes are so rushed... I don't feel like I'm learning. Everything is just being crammed down my throat in the hopes that it gets in.

In other news... nothing much has been happening. Muahahaha.

Inspiration.

There comes a time - many a time really - where a person just has to get his thoughts down. His mind is just so busy doing stuff that sleep comes hard.
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I thought about this awhile back, but I forgot to write about it. There are lots of times when I wish I could take a photo of people. Friends, family, pets, strangers, everyone deserves a good candid picture of themselves. Sometimes I see couples on the bus just snoozing, and it occurs to me that this could be a wonderful picture. Those moments where things are just right, when the time is good and the environment is peaceful. I just feel like saying 'look around and smile!', snapping a snazzy photo to send to their email.
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Religion is always a strange thing to me. I never liked the idea of getting into an organized religion because to me, I don't need those rituals and chants and scripture to believe in something. I believe in making your own destiny, grasping your own life and shaking it thoroughly. I admit that yes, God might be out there looking down on everyone, but yet I also say that I am not a believer in God.

I will not mention whatever 'scientific' explanation out there; that is a question better left to philosophists. I am just a simple man. I know that I'm out here on my own because I choose to, and because I can survive on my own. Maybe to others, it would seem as if God were in me all the time, guiding my life without me knowing it. Who cares really? =P

I am not insulting religion in any way. I am definitely not diminishing a person's faith. They can live their lives the way they want to. Sometimes though, I surprise myself by being able to provide inspiration through explaining things in God's point of view. I am not a believer, but I just know what to say. In saying those words, I guess I put a little belief in them and send that belief to the receiver. It's as if just for those words, I really did believe in God. That would be kind of funny wouldn't it?

Words are powerful things though. Through words one can truly inspire and make known a feeling. Through words I can explain a little bit about life. Through words I can make people feel better. Nothing makes me happier than to put a smile back on people's faces (aside from smiling with them of course ;)). Words have always been one of my strong points... it's just the time and place that need some tweaking.

Shall I send you a gift of belief?

Peace.

Almost all my work is done! At long last. Now I just need to face the final examinations with a brave face and a lopsided grin. It's always been my habit to go in with full confidence that things are going to be all right. I suppose the confidence helps my brain switch to exam mode!

Spring's about over, quick as it is, and summer is coming on real soon. The temperature has been steadily zooming up for the past few weeks. Haven't done much in terms of crazy shit I suppose. Somehow it just doesn't feel like I'm doing anything substantial right now... all the major projects are over (except 2 really, but they're due later!), I'm going out to help my friends with their studies, and classes are essentially done with.

It's been an eventful first semester, and the details are all back in previous posts. People who are far away are having problems of their own, dealing with it on their own as best they can. I guess life just keeps piling on responsibilities and hardships when we're not looking..

We must always remember though that there really are good things in life. Everyday suffering can always make us feel down because it happens everyday. Our joys in life are few and far in between sometimes, but we must always keep in mind that they have happened, they do happen, and they always will happen. That is the miracle of life; joy happens once in awhile if you would just wait for it.

It's human nature to focus on the sufferings of life. Everyone suffers in one way or another. Everyone thinks their own suffering is the most important one to consider. Humans are self-centered; they think about themselves more than others, emphasizing that their suffering is the worst, that they suffer the most.

Life sucks, deal with it.

What else can you do? Even though we can't do anything about suffering, we complain. I enjoy complaining really. To me, it's a way of dealing with it. I throw out my suffering in front of me and consciously know that it is just suffering. I line it out to myself, that shit I am suffering in this way. Then it makes it alot easier to deal with in a more productive manner.

If all else fails, it's always good to keep in mind that yes, suffering sucks, but we have our own little joys here and there. We have great friends, a sound mind, a working body, money to do stuff, opportunity to live. I could gripe all day about the shit that is happening to me, but why not just let things be? Life goes on no matter how much you go nuts about problems.

Life goes on. It really does!

Finals!

Nah, summer is fast approaching. The flowers are out, the birds are singing, squirrels are running everywhere eating all dem nuts... it's really beautiful here.

I'll be taking shots soon!

Hmm...

Well, the semester seems to be wrapping up really quickly. Finals are coming in another 3 weeks. All the work is somehow being done at a wonderful pace. It's kind of hard to believe just how far I've come; from the lost young man in a new country to the grouchy old guy in a land that feels a bit more familiar to him. It's harder still to imagine how far I will have to go in the future.

It has been four eventful months for this guy. In a quarter of a year, I have somehow made this place feel like a home. I look out my window, or look around when I walk, and somehow it doesn't seem so scary and new to me anymore.

I've :

• Traveled in the States
• Made friends with Americans
• Learned some interesting cultures
• Adapted to the new environment
• Seen new sights
• Played with snow
• Learned to cook (learning still!)
• Partied with new friends
• Enjoyed a chilling night out
• Danced (a little) in the wind and rain
• Laughed at the sky
• Said hello, thank you, and you're welcome to strangers
• Attended Riverdance and Stomp (a must see indeed)

So many things. So many more to come. Change is always scary if you think of it as destroying your life. One way or another though, things change. When you think of it that way, it's not so bad after all. I think that travel really does open eyes.
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Of course, none of this would have been possible without the friends I have here. The people that welcomed me into their little group to enjoy our stay here together. There is no way I could not give credit to the people who have helped me adapt to a new world. This bunch of crazy Malaysians who are living life out in their own way out here in this equally crazy country. Without them, I would never have known much about making friends. I would have been so lost with so many things. I would have been bored stiff, with no social life to speak of and no friends to dream about.

No matter how 'cool' I could possibly seem to people who don't know me, I am never a person to shy away from being dragged around by friends to have fun. Friends are important to me because they force me to get out, and they help me live life.

I guess that sometimes, some things never change.

Last week, I felt a little down and depressed I suppose. All the work seemed to be crowding all over me, and life didn't seem so bright after all.

Whaddaya know, I'm fine already. Just this morning I woke up to a bright Monday morning and walked to class, and everything seemed just fine. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, the trees were waving their green-ing branches at me, the flowers were saying pleasant hellos... squirrels were munching on nuts, as usual... life seemed all great again.

Strange world we live in, huh?

The things we do in life.

Sometimes, even the best student fails.
Sometimes, the motivation is just not there.
Sometimes, even the happiest person has his doubts.
Sometimes, even the best of things doesn't seem so good.
Sometimes, even the most loving man falters in his devotion.
Sometimes, even the most devout of men will question Gods' ways.
Sometimes, even the most courageous of soldiers flees from the enemy.

What differentiates the man from the mouse,
What makes a person stand out from the rest,
Is whether he steels himself to go back;

Once more, into the fray.

There are just some things in life...

Some experiences, some memories, some occurances, that I wouldn't ever miss for the world.

Sometimes, they are the simplest things.
Enjoying a laugh at a show.
Walking down memory lane on a slow day.
Watching the world pass by out the car window.
Washing the dishes.
Cleaning the house.
Throwing paper airplanes.

Sometimes, they are the silliest things.
Rolling around fighting each other.
Panicking at a mini-fireball in the house.
Farting. That always makes a laugh.
Throwing water in the bathroom.
Shivering in the freezing rain.

Sometimes, they are the most complex things.
A romantic dinner after a great day out.
Fixing up a cupboard.
Moving an entire room to a new house.
Shopping for gifts.

Planning a surprise.

Sometimes, it's just doing nothing with each other.

What do you love?

It's over.

Chicago is done and dealt with, and all my new purchases are hanging proudly in my closet. Classes have started once more, and the happiness of shopping has ebbed away. I feel a little depressed.

Spending my life thousands of miles away from the woman I love isn't easy. It's not the temptation or the loneliness that really gets to me. I don't worry about me, because I am just awesome in that aspect. I worry about her. She's always somewhere in my head, floating around in one way or another.

• I worry about whether she's eating right, because I'm not there to make her food taste awesomer.
• I worry about whether she's smiling enough, because I'm not there to look dumb and make her laugh.
• I worry about whether she's sleeping warm, because she loves the cold too much and I'm not there to throw the blanket over her.
• I worry about whether she's resting enough, because I'm not there to do her work.
• I worry about whether she's going out and about enough, because I'm not there as a reason for her to kick me out of the house to move my lazy butt.
• I worry about whether she has enough groceries for the week, because I'm not there for her to use as a driver and a shopping-bag-carrier.
• I worry about whether she's living life the way I imagined my loved one should live, because I'm not there to remind her of what life is about.

I know I can enjoy life here when she's back home. Everything can be put in a positive light; each trip I go to, I imagine what it would be like with her by my side. Things we could do, stuff we could see, the various situations we would be in and how she would look. The little things are always there in the back of my head. Her face lighting up at the prospect of shopping, the sight of snow maybe, the joy of a clear day even. I'm wistful, but it's all right.

It's never easy to have that certain someone far away. It's always hard to make things right again when an argument happens, whatever the reason that argument started. It's almost impossible to run on over and just be there for that person.

Distance makes things harder. It always does. What people always forget is that distance never makes things impossible though. People make things happen because they want to. Love is powerful as long as you want it to be powerful, because you make it powerful with your own feelings. Things can work out if you want them to.

I want things to work out. And they are. Slowly, but surely, life goes on, and she'll be right there with me all the way.

Chicagooooooooo...!

Well it's near the end of spring break, and here I am in the Ramada Inn somewhere near Chicago, tapping away at my experiences in this extremely huuuuuge city.

Spring break started like any other day really, with us hanging around doing nothing, chatting away and thinking of things to do. I spent saturday through wednesday in Navvin's room, living there because I got kicked out by my dorm. We didn't really do much... we rented a minivan for the week, which was really cool. With transport we could actually drive around and do alot more stuff. We went to eat things in places that were hard to reach, and man is there alot more variety out there!

Early Thursday morning, at like freaking 5AM, I woke up to get ready for the big trip down to Chicago. Busyness reigned, and everyone scurried about packing, cleaning up, and just plain getting ready. We drove 4 hours out of Indiana and ended up in the busy town, lost but excited. The street naming and direction system in the United States is actually really cool and easy to follow... but there are hundreds of streets and avenues to go to, which makes it really hard. Chicago is like... 10 times bigger than KL. And I was driving. Mmmmm...

Anyway, we checked into the hotel (finally) called Red Roof Inn. It wasn't really a very good hotel, but we had to do with what we have. The hotel I'm in right now is way better. So for the first day, we walked around trying to shop for stuff. Unfortunately everything was expensive and 'fasionable' so we couldn't really find anything to buy. We spent the entire day just walking around trying to find our way.

I saw this huge-ass McD's though. It was massive... it had 15 flat screen TV's all over the place, bellowing propaganda for McDonalds 24 hours a day. There were cars everywhere, EVERYWHERE. There was no space to park, just enough space to walk, and thank god it was cold. Probably would have died suffocating in the smog.

Spring break down here in Chicago has been really really busy!

• Drove through a real American city.
• Had my first glass of champange.
• Saw many cute little doggies!
• Enjoyed the night as only gentlemen could enjoy it.
• Met a very interesting Kitty.
• Went to a Navy Pier.
• Walked. For hours.
• Drove. For hours.
• Shopped. For hours.
• Almost killed us all driving on the wrong side of the road.
• Bought many, many things.
• Finally got the hat of my dreams. Almost.
• I spent way too much money. (600+!!!!)

I think I'll be starving myself for the next few months. Maybe. Need to save money. =(. Holidays are expensive ventures.

All in all, I think this trip was very much enjoyable and worth it, tho it does suck that the break is only one week. It feels all too short. Oh well. Life is short, and we must live it as best we can. :D

Across The Universe is the best, fucking, show in the world.

The

Best

Fucking

Show

EVER.

THE END.

Have you seen Mr. Kite lately?

It's spring break!

.. and I am starting it off with a glass of Chardonnay wine, with some really chilling music and the snow outside making the world seem like a hazy but very beautiful one. I have a week's worth of doing nothing, will be going to Chicago next week with my Malaysian friends to get a view of the new world I am in.

Everything feels so peaceful now. When I first came, I wondered whether I could cope with the sudden change of life. I wondered if I would go crazy with the new things happening here: A new place, a new life, no friends, no one I really knew here.

I guess most of those fears are gone. I have friends here from the same college as me, and we've been through enough to make them close enough for me. I am thankful that there is at least some small link I have to home. Without them I think I would have gone crazy with boredom and loneliness a long time ago.

I'm very much a family and familiarity person, I think. Keeping to the old ways is always easier than making new ones from scratch. I think it's really great that I have some people to turn to in times of real loneliness, when I have no one else to hang out with. I always take a long time to make friends, but those that I do make are always good ones.

The little room I have here in the dormitories feels so much like a home to me. I guess I've adapted well. Walking the streets, seeing these foreign people, doesn't really affect me anymore. I mean, they're still new, but I don't wonder at things anymore. They're just people after all.

Slowly, but surely, I think I'm going to like it here.


Slowly but surely.

The previous post never really did justice to how much I miss my little lady back home... hehe. There's just some days when I just can't seem to write I suppose. But I really do miss doing those little things that I would do for her.

There's just a certain joy that can be found with the people you truly love. There's just that little thing that makes you smile, those little things that you will forever remember as the defining features of the love you have. Sometimes I walk home, and I find that I am smiling because of the simple joy of doing things with her. I don't know, it's hard to explain, but it's just a simple, wonderful kind of feeling. It's especially impact-ful because it's just so simple.

So it's just a little anti-climatic that I wouldn't be able to do much for her birthday. There were so many things that I've done for her, that were quite long ago that I just can't remember right now because it's been so long since I've done them. I remember things like the fireball, the cards, the ring, and all of them were really fun things because they were so simple.

Everyone's always worried about the complicated things, about those big-ass problems that everyone's faces are pushed into. I worry about the smallest things sometimes, but I know that both big and small things are the important things. Why else would I bother to make sure that every day is something special? Why else would I consider each moment important? Even though I might not be the best at conveying the feeling that I am enjoying the moment with her, I think maybe, in a way, she knows. I certainly hope so.

What do you do?

My little lady had her birthday celebration just yesterday. It sounded like lots of fun when she told me about it, and I am glad. She can still have fun without me, which is great. She still wants me there, which is even better I must say ;).

It's my first year not actually doing anything for her birthday, and it feels strange. I'm sure I'll make it up to her when I go back, but it's always different when it's on a seperate day.

Oh well.

I shall go look for food.

Everyone hurts.

In their own way, everyone hurts. Every time someone hurts, there is no worse hurt out in the world. We can always say 'Hey, look; the shit out there is much more smellier than yours,' and it could very well be true. Of course, there is no worse shit than the shit you are feeling my friend.

I say this because I do not think anyone could possibly say that their hurt is 'different', 'more painful', 'theirs is not as bad as mine'. Everyone is hurt. That is what matters. Some people say that comparing pain makes it easier. Others, like me, think that no matter what you do, it's all the same shit: I am in pain, nothing else matters.

So who the hell are you to say that 'Their pain not as pain as mine ok!' or 'They hurt only like that, not as bad as mine.'? Who are you indeed?

Everyone hurts. A person who has been lonely their entire lives and yearns for the solid foundation of that special someone hurts the same way as a person who has lost that foundation. The essential part is that both parties are feeling sad. Both of them have experienced something you will never understand, unless it has happened to you. I think we become blinded to how it felt when we were the same way as others, or if we never actually felt that built-up sense of emptiness.

I get irritated sometimes when I hear people say 'Don't bother me, I am in such emotional pain', especially when I try to give them a bit of perspective by giving them comparisons. 'It's not the same!' they would wail. Self-centered-ness is human. I understand that. And then I become normal again.

I love myself. And the people who made me, me.
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Picture this:
You are walking along on a sunny day in the park, any park. The birds are singing, the breeze is blowing a cool song in your ears, and all you can see in the sky is fluffy clouds chasing each other merrily. The world is a great place, and you are there to enjoy it.

Then, a shabbily dressed man walks from the other side of the road you are on. He has a battered old cap, torn jeans and a hole-y jacket. Think of a beggar, if you will. He looks unshaved, unwashed, and without a home. He is walking near you. You have 3 choices, answer truthfully to yourself:

a) Walk past him, wrinkling your nose or thinking 'ugh poor man'
b) Take a different path
c) Just walk.
d) Stop and try to do something else
e) shoot yourself.

What did you think? Did you wrinkle your nose inwardly in slight disgust? Did you look upon him with pity? Did you move out of the way or change your paths? You know your own answer. Some of you might have answered contrary to what you would have done.

What was all this about?

Everyone judges. Everyone makes decisions on what to think of others. No one can escape that damning human trait. It is how people survive, in a way. Judge how others think of you, and be prepared to face whatever might be coming.

But how many of us can say that after judging, we let those judgements go? How many of us can really change our minds about people? How many of us can take people at face value, at what they tell us? How many of us don't delve deeply into what it is in front of us? We judge, oh yes, we judge. We look at a poor man and wrinkle our nose in disgust or pity. We look at a poor man and think of helping him. How many of us look at a poor man and just see a man? How many of us just walk past him like any other human being? How many do nothing, think nothing, say nothing, because we just don't know the man?

There are no fingers pointed, there never should be. Judging is in our nature. Judging is in our blood. You judge. I judge. All of us do. The difference between you and me?

I let it slide.

I can look at a person and think of many many things. I can say he's gay, straight, annoying, looks okay, lousy sense of fashion, loud, soft, hot, cold, whatever. The other day, I went to a small discussion thing, and I saw this bunch of people there. There were two guys who had very gay voices: light and smooth. Feminine. I thought, hm, gay? One of them talked to me, and his voice just said 'Gay' in my mind.

But then, I let it slide. I did not change the way I acted, I did not change the way I spoke, I did not look away, I didn't act like anything would affect me. I did not feel any different.

And then he spoke to me some more, and that built an image of who he was in my mind.

And then much later on, they said they were gay.

And I still felt the same. They were just guys. Guys with different tastes, yes, but essentially just guys. Some of my friends would get disgusted by that. Some of my friends would try to avoid them. Some make fun of gays. Some have no comment, but are inwardly... you know.

Do you let it slide?

Mmm...

The other day, I had just finished class and was walking home. I was feeling quite down for no apparent reason. It was as if life was just pressing on me, squeezing the life out of me, making me feel like it was all for nothing. There's always work to do, nothing to eat, homes to miss, cold to fight. My walk slowed as I contemplated just what it was that made me feel like crap.

Then I thought of very much happier thoughts: My ring, the joy, the simplicity, the wonders, the childlike glee, the heart-warming effort. Home is where the heart is, and that home is a simple one. And I want to go home. Soon.

I'll be taking more subjects to speed things up!
__________________________________

I'm spending a butt-load over here... meals and daily life are really eating up cash. Which sucks, because the variety of meals here is meager at best, unless I walk 30 minutes downtown or take a bus to the mall.

I also have to buy lots of things, like an external hard drive for my laptop because the space is just too small. I can't imagine the amount I'll be spending for next semester.

I'll be moving to a new home in the Fall semester with some other Malaysians. It's cheaper and we're together, so it'll be a great thing to do. The only crappy part is that I have to find a place to stuff all my stuff for the summer. This year, I'll be moving a grand total of 3 (4 if you count moving in to my current dorm) times. Wonderful.

I'm off!

February 14th, a day where many couples will be seen out and about, honoring their spouse in the best way they can... (or in Jon's case, the looks-the-most-expensive-but-actually-the-cheapest)

I spent mine doing nothing.

My little lady is far, far away in Malaysia, and all I can do here now is reminisce on the good times we had, and the great times we will have in the future.

It feels different.

Every year, without fail, I would do something for Valentines Day. There would always be a little card up my sleeve just waiting to be shown at the right time, surprising that little woman with some devious plan or enchanting little event. There was the ring, the necklace, the candlelit dinner, the ball of flame... ah, simple and neat, wondrous in all its unexpected surprises.

It's a wonder that people really need to find a specific day to honor their spouse. But I think it might be a good thing. Having a day for Valentines is like setting a permanent and visible goal; you can't avoid it because everyone knows about it, and if you do you're an asshole. You can go about saying hey, it's only a hyped up day for everyone to jack up prices on anything remotely romantic... but in the end, why look at it negatively?

Like I said, Valentines is like a goal: Everyone knows it's there. Everyone expects you to keep up with that goal. Why not?

Take your spouse or your loved one out to an expensive dinner (don't roll your eyes Jon.), do something special that you've never done before; be the cliche that everyone seems to want to avoid - but secretly wants to be in. Take that day as the uberly special day where magic will happen (and magic did happen with mine).

Valentines is special. No one can deny that. People may say it's a waste of money, it's a waste of time. In some ways, it is. You can love your significant other every day. It just takes alot of effort and dedication. But a goal always helps to set the standard, always helps to give you a kick in the ass that asks the dire question of whether you care enough to do something.

I'd have loved to do something. I just don't know what. Life is too different now.

What did you do?

Another day, another day.

My head sort of hurts from all the math work I've been trying to comprehend. Well, actually just one question. Something about Bayes Probability and some such stuff. The formula is just giving me trouble. I don't really understand how they can play around with all the formulas and get the answer. Bayes must have been a freaking genius to think this stuff up.

But I think I get it now. I think. It's like If A = B and A = C, and B and C are the same under certain conditions, and A is used to find D, you can find out what D is by using C if B isn't given, but A is.

Fucked up right?

Oh well. I'm chilling now with a can of Coke and nothing else on my mind. I'm going to have to present this stuff tomorrow, so I will be typing away at a presentation handout soon. Which sucks. Oh well.
_________________

I fried me up a new dish! A rather simple one - as usual - but it tasted pretty good and that's all that matters! I fried garlic, threw in chopped up potatoes and mushrooms, then fried merrily away until I had some really nice golden brown potatoes and shrivelled mushrooms.. which tasted really nice! I swear!

So there you have it... one new dish for me, and one big step to becoming a wif-- I mean a chef. I wonder what my next masterpiece will be... hmmm...

_________________

I'm growing fat again. My resolution to go to the gym everyday has been smashed to little pieces by the cold, and swept underneath the carpeted floor by work. It's a cruel, cruel world out there. Bloomington's weather is a bit of a douchebag; Hey! 14 celsius today! Go out and enjoy! Nah I'm just kidding here you go -8 celsius you dumbass.

Freakin weather. Cold hot cold hot cold hot cold.

Made me get a horrible cough for like 2 weeks.

Meh.
_________________

I'm getting sick of pizza. But I still want to eat it. How sad is that? It's like I order pizza because it's nice... then when I eat it I don't want to, but I have to, and I also want to when I don't really want to... you get the point.

The price of food here makes me want to cry. RM30 for a meal of pizza and coke. RM30 for a meal of ONE (1) vegetable and some rice. What choice do I have?
_________________

Happy Chinese New Year!

Well now... Chinese New Year celebrations have gone on for quite some time all across the world, and I enjoyed my own little party with the few Malaysians here...

Went to Tulip Tree - an apartment complex for students - to enjoy some steamboat, drinking and gambling, three things that could possibly be symbols of Chinese culture. The steamboat was some Tomyam-ish soup, but it was still nice. Some girls cooked up all the food and served it, pretty awesome I must say. I had spring rolls, seafood, and fried rice.

Right now I'm just chilling in my friends' house, getting ready to screw around with Age of Empries III. This is like our new nightly activity. Fun stuff, something to do to bond!

I'm off, don't know what else to type.

Another long week has passed.

It's the weekend, and I'm sitting in my room not doing much. I actually don't know what to do. I've got some work for the coming week, but it's Saturday damnit! No work is to be done on Saturdays! Saturdays are supposed to be days for rest, for fun, for doing nothing! And that's what I'm doing. Nothing.

And it irks me, somehow.

Damn the cold.

I sort of ran out of activities I could do on a weekend. Bloomington's like that; there's nothing here other than the university unless you have a car. Everything's so far away =(.

I just ate microwave dinners... and they're horrible. Superbly horrible. I will never eat another one again (even though I probably will...). The stuff is dry, a little tasty, always salty, and not really nice. But, in times of desperation..

I also tried the instant noodles they make here... and it sucks. Nothing beats Indomee. NOTHING. This is like... a 3 out of 10. Indomee would be a 7 out of 10, and 3 extra points goes to how you cook it. Maruchan Ramen is... blah. Sucks. It's just the dry noodles with some powder for flavored soup. Yucks.

AHHH. The loneliness of having few to no friends to screw around with is really, really trying on one's mind.

I want to go home. I can't, but I want to.

Where's my goddamn char kuey teow!?

The stuff of heroes...

America could be very well known for its belief in freedom: Freedom of speech, freedom to believe, freedom to do anything which is not against the law. Its value on the right to live free is almost legendary by now. What more could be said of this love of freedom than the idea of a super hero?

The greatest and most noble of people who sacrifice themselves to save the day! They battle foes and super villains, keeping the world safe for us puny mortals. Songs have been sung, comics have been drawn, and movies have been made for these mighty masters of the universe. At the end of a long day, after hours of frustrating math, I saw my first All-American Superhero...

American Bubble Wrap Man.

'Greetings citizen!'

I startled at such a formal hello. I waved awkwardly as the supreme image of a man fully dressed in red and blue colored bubble wrap walked up towards me.

'Have you seen any super villains about tonight?' he cheerfully asked.

Jeez, this guy even has the accent of a superhero down. I replied no, overawed by his presence. Wreathed in the finest blue and red bubble wrap, with a long cape of the flag of America, he wielded a mighty rubber hammer which would smite his foes with a squeak. As I walked on, he randomly greeted more people and asked the same question.

Later on, I overheard him reveal one of his greatest weaknesses. So bold! It was as if he were inviting evil villains to try using his weakness, but he would just overcome it with a swing of his mighty rubber hammer.

'Trees and wind are my only weakness!' he cried out.

He tried to chop down the tree with a mighty swing of his hammer. It whistled with deadly accuracy and bounced off the trunk.

'Damn you foliage! Damn youuuu!'

I walked on into the night, knowing that - at least for tonight - I would be just a little safer with a great man like him walking around. I felt at peace, because the world was being watched over by such people as American Bubble Wrap Man.

I laughed my ass off when I got far enough.

On cooking, and life.

I just used my rice cooker for the first time!

...and I failed.

Pfft. I thought I'd just put 1/4 of a cup of rice just for me, with like 2 big cups of water. It looked right, but apparantly I was wrong. First timer, yes, but still. All I got was one measly scoop of rice. 1. ONE. Uno. Satu. Yi. Yat. That's like 6 table spoons worth. Probably less. To top it all off, the rice cooker kept bubbling over. Probably because of the huge amount of water I put... mmm... and the rice was all squishy; not so bad, but expected rice instead of porridge.

I fried up a mean helping of Spam though. It was freaking nice, that. Spam. Mmmm... pork. Just like home ;). I used way too much oil though. I had to pour the oil back into a little tupperware to save it for the next time... economical, you know.
_________________________

It's a dull life here in IUB so far. Went to a party to meet some people, was a small birthday and I drank a little too much. Yay for me. I did get to enjoy a bit of the night life here, and I must admit that it is really cool... very different from Malaysia's clubs. Here it's more like house party galore.
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The nights here are just beautiful though... I can see the stars through clear skies, and the full moon shines cheerily from its lofty seat. On the walks home at night, I stop and look up, staring at the sky. The clouds zip past as the wind blows them past the white surface of the moon. Stars are twinkling pretty brightly, saying hello to the world down below. All you can hear is the breeze amongst the barren trees (it is winter). I wonder how it'd be like when the leaves are out again...

... and I dash right home, because it's freaking cold. So much for enjoying my time with nature.
_________________________

Today my little lady finally got her internet!!!1111oneoneoneexclamationmark. I felt so happy, being able to chat with her again... wonderful joy.

I shall not make you turn your eyes away in disgust as I enjoy my source of happiness.

But you already read it. Muahahaahhahaha.

How are you doin'?

Grey Goose... woo!

Hello everyone! I've been drinking a bit, so my fingers feel so free-flowish and fun. I'm not high, just a little tipsy. Today was a pretty fun day, though I do feel a little guilty from spending so much money again:

I woke up at 9.30 to get ready to go out with my Malaysian friends to Whitehall and Wal-Mart. It was a really cold morning, what with -15 celsius and chilling winds. I waited for Raof, and got a sandwich to eat on the way. Eating with my bare fingers without a hat was my first mistake. It. Was. Cold. Really. I couldn't feel my ears for 15 minutes after I put my hat on.

We took a cab to a place called Campus Auto Rental, and rented a car for about two days. A good decision! The car was $10 a person, with insurance, so it was a pretty decent deal. Considering the distance we traveled. All the cars here are at least 2.0. AT LEAST. A 2.0 in America is like a 3.5 in Malaysia: Extremely rare. Normally the cars here are 3.0 liter engines. How freaking awesome is that? You get to drive a really fast car for cheap! Boo to Malaysia's boring old Kancils. The car we got was like worth $3000. RM10,000. What the hell, you can get a 2.4 car for the downpayment of a Malaysian car.

We first went to Wal-Mart, one of the superstores of the United States. I bought lots of stuff worth about $250. RM800 in one day, wow! Well that wouldn't be the end of it; at least I bought nice stuff, like a rice cooker, speakers (music!), tupperware, a fridge... I feel so independant! Hahah.

I bought 2 pairs of shoes in Whitehall after that. Two pairs of beeeutiful Nike shoes. One for basketball, and one for cross-training. I like playing basketball very much, and I was a bit ashamed of myself for playing barefoot in a recent match at the recreation center. Yes, I was freaking barefoot while in a nice shiny indoor court. I just had to buy them. Really.

After that, we went to celebrate another Malaysian's birthday. A girl named Kaphana. During that time, I guess I made new Malaysian friends by talking more (yay for me!). We had dinner at a restaurant called Red Lobster. The food was pretty good, though expensive. The dish I especially loved was the Tequila-thingy Shrimp. God those were so awesome. Although they're not as good as butter prawns in Malaysia, but it was pretty close.

After dinner, we went to the Big Red liquor store to buy booze for the birthday girl's party. Being 21, I was the one sent to brave the world of alcohol. Have I told you of the wonders of America? The alcohol store here is big. B-I-G. There is alcohol everywhere, for prices lower than even Langkawi. W T F. Wonder! I bought some Grey Goose for myself, and a bottle of Absolut Citron for the birthday girl, awesome shit that.

We went to her house to have a nice conversation as well as give her a cake. It was pretty fun! Gave her a nice decorated glass box with the bottle of Vodka in it. WOW. So we chatted, ate and drank a little (really little). I found a new favourite! Bacardi Apple. That stuff is really nice to me, because I like apple. Anyway, we chatted and all that and enjoyed some interesting conversation.

At 12AM we got up, and brought a cake to her. She was so shocked (and would later thank us for the great surprise; it was the best birthday she ever had) that she had a really big smile. Later, we sprayed her with whipped cream, and all of us got some in turn.

I shall stop typing because all of you think I'm super high. I'm not. -_-.

Have a good day!

The snow...

... is falling again. I just got back from Sarvveen's house, and the snow was actually really pretty. Glittering roads and the night-scene background just fit so nicely, black and white. I saw cars covered in snow and it was a very peaceful environment. And it really wasn't all that cold...

Because I just took a sip of a new high: Bacardi 151 degrees. Christ that shit is powerful stuff. It's 75.5% alcohol, and it evaporated in my mouth and went through my nose. I still feel it burning inside. Wow. Awesome stuff, but I can't possibly take that neat or I'd probably die. It was a very fun experience. I was actually warm in sub-zero temperatures. What the hell?

Alcohol has its uses. ^_^

Some interesting observations...

Another day of snow... whoopeee. Freaking white stuff isn't exactly cocaine falling from the sky. Remember my smoking shoes? Yeah. It's going to be that cold again. Wonderful.

About the topic: The toilets here... they are interesting. They flush as if they can suck down baby heads with ease. They are so loud they sound like a vacuum cleaner. The shit-suckers here are louder than a freakin' airplane toilet. That is how violent the toilets here are. I got shocked the first time I flushed. Then I wondered: 'Maybe the shit here is so big they need powerful suction.'

Not a pretty thought.

So yes, another week of classes are here. Haven't really made new friends, though I talk a liiiiitle bit more than I am used to (read: one extra sentence a conversation! Yay me!). I have tried the Sports and Recreation Center (whatever the hell you call it) here. Weight training, sports, an indoor pool and track, whatever you want it's there. And it's all included in my semester fees. 2 hours a day of exercising and I'll come back more manly than you can remember me! =p

The classes here seem easy enough... seem. Don't think the hectic panicking will start too soon (I hope). My room's as messy as I want it to be, praise be to my godlike indifference. I'm messing around on my blog when I should be completing assignments... hmm... not a good sign.

Oh well!

I'm 21...! part 2

It's interesting to see how removed I am from most of life. I've never really felt involved in much. I'm always the guy who's watching from afar, the one who wants in but no one really wants him in. Events may happen, and all I feel is indifference. I don't feel the passion others feel. I don't feel connected to the event. I give really decent advice, really. I have some experience in certain matters. No one really consults me though.

I feel left out.

Perhaps this is life's way of making it fair for all of us: I live a relatively uneventful life, a very good one at that. The trade-off is that the life I live is... uneventful. There are no major fights that happen to me, no break-ups and tearful separations (amen to that), no bitching at each other in anger. I don't even... understand (?) how people can become so heated in a simple conversation. A few times in my life, people have fought around me, and all I can feel is just an observant curiousity.

I walk amongst people, alone and unnoticed. I listen in on people's conversations, primarily because they don't care who can hear them. It's really interesting to hear things candidly. However, it sort of points out that I am the one outside listening in. The party's inside and it is rowdy. Things are happening, but I'm just looking through the window. Why is it that way?
Perhaps, as I said, this is life's way of making a balance of people: There are those who are living totally fucked up, packed-with-events lives; and there are those who live uneventful lives which are fulfilling but slow.

In the end, I think my life suits me just fine. I wouldn't give up my great family, my wonderful friends, and my loving little lady for excitement.

What would you prefer?

I'm 21...!

... And no one seems to care. =(. This is like the most uneventful birthday I have ever had. Kind of sad, but what could I expect in a foreign country eh? Maybe tomorrow I'll get smashed in a bar or something... but with who? Bleh.

As I walked home today, the stars were shining pretty brightly in the clear skies. Bloomington has this peaceful feeling to it, where nothing really happens (because nothing *ever* happens so far). I walk and walk, thinking. Suddenly, a question occurs to me:

Have you ever dreamed of reaching for the stars? To touch those sparkling lights in the sky? I expanded on this metaphor. Have you ever dreamed of being something? Anything? Remember those times in elementary school or high school, where the teachers asked 'What would you want to be?' You'd get a variety of responses like being a policeman, a doctor, a lawyer, a fire-fighter, a businessman. Everyone has at one point talked about their dream, their goal, their future.

It struck me as extremely sad that I've never truly had a dream. I've never thought of the stars as lofty goals I want to reach for; I've never thought of stars as new heights to achieve. Even as a kid, I looked up and appreciated the view of twinkling lights. I never thought of them as a physical manifestation of how far I should go for. I never really had a goal in life at all; never thought of being a policeman, never thought of protecting the country, never thought of my future much.

As I walked, I opened up my view more: I've never had the need nor the inclination to look for god. I am sometimes even vehemently against the notion of God. My mom can attest to this, with all the skid marks on the floor from dragging me to this religion and that. I've never felt the presence of God in life, never felt an external power exerting its will over me. Maybe those who feel God have some sort of direction in life? I wouldn't know.

Many people I know have aspirations they are striving to: My brother wants to be a great chef (and he's getting there). My friend Cat wants to become a programmer (or something like that). My mother wants to 'enrich the world with her presence' (and she tries). My dad wants to provide water to the world (a good plan). My friend WP has the interest and ability to go into graphics design (or something to do with drawing). Other friends are pointed arrow-straight to the careers that they are thinking of. What the hell are my goals? What do I want to do?

I don't know.

Does this reflect on how my life is like? On what my perspective of life is? Because all I can think of is the end-destination I want: A house, a car, a dog, a wife and at least two kids, enough money to eat good food once a week. How many of us have goals like that? How many decide early on that one will get married, have kids and just settle down? How fucking ancient-cave-man thinking is that?

Perhaps my go-with-the-flow-slow-slow made me this way. Perhaps I'm just lazy. What can I do to make my mark in this world? Who knows. Maybe I'll just be some nameless worker slugging it out to make my family happy. Maybe.

What do you aspire to be?
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Different times.

Whew. A good day has gone by. Finished my classes with little mishap, and went to an InterVarsity (IV) thing. It's sort of a Christian get-together worship kinda thing... I went for the people, not to find God ;).

It was interesting, met some new people and talked to a few of them. Had a silly little photo-scavenger hunt. It's still really tough for me to talk to strangers. I can't seem to find anything to talk about, which is really annoying. I hope in time I will come to talk more and make myself a little more interesting.
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What's the best feeling in life? Love? Happiness? Joy? Power? Friendship? Acceptance, that's what I think. When you can accept that things are 'like that', you find that you become content with life. Once you're content, you can see those things in a more removed light. I know I'm clumsy, so if I trip and fall, I laugh at myself. Why get embarrassed? Things like this happens. That's the way life is.

Can you accept yourself for who you are?
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I miss home. I miss my friends, my family, my bed, my blanket, my bolster (they don't have it here!), my dog (I see lotsa dogs around here), my life, the food, and especially my little lady. She's a brave little soul, patiently slugging it out with life while I'm away. Everything else can take care of themselves. Friends and family have their own life. My dog is taken care of because he's cute and naughty. But her... I'm just worried as any good man would be worried about his partner.

One gets to know another pretty well when enough time has passes. One will always remember the little things that one can/must watch over for the other. Is she eating well? Is she going out to enjoy herself once in awhile? Is she getting along okay? Everytime I see the silver glint of the ring on my finger, I am reminded of my motivation to do things quickly and come home, to do well and do it quickly to come home proud.
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I haven't really made any friends here. It's a whole new place, and I just can't help but feel that the people I talk to (most of them) don't really want to talk back. Might just be me, or the culture, but it doesn't help one bit knowing that. Back home, strangers become friends really quickly, or so I like to belive. Here... well, maybe it's just too soon.

I'm just a naive little guy lost in the big, big world.

Indiana...

First day of classes! Hmm... everything seems okay so far. Haven't really made any friends so far, since I don't know what to say. I'm not a man of small talk, it seems.

The buses here are pretty cool. None of the clanking and grinding of Malaysia's smoke-spewing mechanical horrors. Everyone gets off nicely, and lines up to go in. Ah, wonders.

It's getting colder again. That sucks pretty bad. Meh. The natureland here is pretty nice. Lots of trees around, though there aren't any leaves left on them since it's still winter. I'm hopin for a really flowery spring to enjoy.

The fees to study here... ugh. I could buy a car with each semester's payments. I have to be here at least 4 semesters. What the hell?

A soul redeemed.

I helped someone see into the soul that is within them. I think I did. That soul is now more at peace with itself than before. It feels good to have done something like that. Talking and talking did make something go right, for once. I am glad.

Did Jesus feel the same way?

Semester's about to start! What an interesting and honestly a little bit exciting prospect that would be... meh? At least the weather's warming up pretty decently... ^^.

I have 5 classes to do this semester... not too much I guess, but it's near the limit! Should tax my brain beyond what I've ever done before... those Kelley Business School people sure do know how to convince a guy to study!

'We here at the Kelley Business School are very, very selective... we look for students with B averages and above. So if you get even one C, that would look very bad for you.'

My god. After hearing all of that, and looking and the freaking 10,000 USD tuition fee, I sort of freaked and promised myself I'd study... like a bitch. Parties I guess can wait for next time, once I'm free a bit and until I'm used to the workload... I will freaking ACE this semester! -_-

So I've settled pretty well into my dorm, up on the 10th floor with a pretty good view of Bloomiongton... nice little space to call home. I've got my handphone up and running, 812-360-9059 for anyone in the states, and +001-812-360-9059 for anyone else even remotely interested in calling me all the way over there :). Set up a bank account to give me money money...

All the stuff here is really expensive. Well, not all; storybooks are pretty cheap... like half the price of Malaysian books. Freaking Malaysian government... can't make books cheaper even though 'we want everyone to be fluent in English!'... pfft.

The connection speeds here are pretty goooooood... 450KBPS download speed owns you anyday Malaysia. Wahahahah!

I shall go out for dinner now... which is like 10 USD. =(. Buhbye!

AHHHH

This was supposed to be posted earlier... like 2 days ago? But the net wasn't working in my dorm. Apparantly it's working now!
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Went to see some places in IU, walked all over the bloody place (more on this later).

Well... I'm in my new dorm room people! My new 'home'. My own little 'crib'. Something I'll be staying in for at least 4 months. Yay for me? A quaint little affair, with a shared bathroom (god knows who just yet!) and a little closet of my own. A bed, two lights, a desk, a chest of drawers, up on the 10th floor. At least I get a scenic view ^^

Today was a pretty hectic day, what it being orientation day and all. Lots and lots of walking to do =(. Seriously, the campus is just too fucking huge. I have to walk 3 kilometers today. AT LEAST. The other day I walked with my dad to the College Mall... 3-4 miles of walking. That's like freaking 6 KILO-FUKIN-METERS. After that we had to walk back. And walk to eat. Walk to sleep. Walk to whatever. Goddamn.

Rushed to the Residence and P-somethingorother Service center (10 minutes of walking) to find out where I'd live for the semester... yes, you heard me.

I DIDNT HAVE A PLACE TO STAY. WEE FOR ME.

So it seems I applied for the wrong fucking semester. WHAT THE FUCK? At least I got a dorm downright quick. I'm still peeved at the annoyance caused.

I had another 15 minutes to get back to the hall, which was about oh, 15 fucking minutes of walking fast to reach my appointment time? Oh yes! The temperature outside was a nice, bone-warming 0 degrees. Farhenheit. That is -15 degrees Celsius muthafuckas! That's right! Air-cond fearing Leon is freaking walking through SNOWY and ICY and WINDY BLOOMINGTON INDIANA PEOPLE! WOOHOO. (cue Christmas tune: Let it snow let it snow let it snow... FUK THAT SHIT).

So anyway, orientation: Had to listen to these people talk about the new educational experience I was about to embark on. Lots of stuff, eugh. Had to go to the hall to scan in my documents, which in the end didn't scan so I had to wait another 20 minutes for the machines to work... least the staff were a friendly bunch. Americans here are nice. Weather sucks.

I was so bundled up in clothes. I had to wear long johns, pants, shirts, a pair of thermal pants (JON SIZE. Woot.) and a thick thick jacket. I had a snowcap on, my jacket's hood up, thick WINTERSPORTS gloves, the works. My jacket weighs 5 kilos, don't pray pray! BUt I had nothing to cover my face. So... 10 minutes of walking and hey, presto! You could perform plastic surgery on my face and I wouldn't feel a thing. My blood would freeze quick tho.

I had to take an English placement test, which had an essay and then listening and reading comprehension part. Essay: Fucked. Comprehension: Weakshauce. All in a day's work, I guess. I then had to *walk* to a place called Eigenmann Residence Hall... 15 minutes of walking, to get my picture taken for a new university ID card! Woohoo!

After that, again, I walked (what else) BACK to a hall not 2 minutes away from where I was EARLIER IN THE DAY. I had to listen to another lecture on what to do for the rest of the orientation week (lots of stuff, I told you). After that lecture, ANOTHER test... before starting school! What the hell! -_-... this time it was... dun dun dunnnnn... MATHS. Good game lah, I knew I wasn't going to make it. Sure enough, 10 questions into the 26 question paper, my mind went blank... numbers and graphs just turned into squiggles in front of my eyes.

I actually took my shoes off at one point while I sat down. My shoes have like no air circulation so all the sweat is just making my feet feel funny. I took off my shoes, put them down and watched in surprise and shock...

My shoes were smoking. Seriously.

Frikkin... STEAM was coming out of my shoes... what the hell? That is how cold the place was. Steam. From. My. Shoe. Wee!

And after that, I found some Malaysian friends from college, Raof and Athiya. A sight for sore eyes, we then planned to go shopping for stuff for our (Raof and I) dorms. They didn't supply pillows or sheets or blankets (for possibly hygienic reasons). My dorm is situated at one far end of the campus, so if I had to reach the other side... poor feet. So I walked to the place my dad was staying to dump all my shit (6-9 kgs of stuff in my backpack, lugged around while I walked the whole day). After that, walked to another Malaysian friend's house, Sarveen and Narvvin. Fun people.

Raof, Navvin and I took a cab to College Mall - a sad little mall by Malaysian standards; only 1 story! - to buy stuff at Target.

Christ the food here is expensive. One meal costs 10 bucks... USD. So if I ate three meals a day, I would have enough money to buy a freakin air-con back home in like a month. The thing is, I only eat one meal a day here... I don't know why. Maybe it's the cold? Hohoho. How the hell did Santa get fat then?

My trip to Indiana has been one fuckup after another. Seriously. My I-20 was corrected and sent twice. My visa needed more documents. My housing application was fucked up. My tests were screwed (ehh, that's okay). When I got here the place was cold - coldest day of the year, fucking hell what the fuck are the chances of that? My freaking laptop can't access Indiana University websites and I'm right beside their servers. My freaking dorm won't let me go online because I'm using Windows with Service Pack 2. WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? GIVE ME A BREAK!

Life sucks, deal with it. That's been a motto going on in my head since a long long time... but now, I'm feeling a liiiittle tired of this shit man. Just a teensy little bit. -_-

Thousands of kilometers from home...

... And I am fucking freezing!

I'm in the States now.. in the Indiana Memorial Union hotel in fact. It's like 5 celcius outside, and man is it cold! I took a flight from KLIA to Taipei and then to Los Angelus Airport on MAS, then from LA to Indiana on NorthWest Airlines. The flight on MAS was horrible! So much bumping around >.<

It's a new place with a lot of new people walking around... lots of gwai-lo and like 0 of other races (oh duh.) I miss home already, I think. Especially the little lady who is sure to be missing me too! No way to really contact her either... no internet yet. Oh well...

Going to look around for the admissions office the next day, wee. Pfft, missing so many things back home, I'm sure... New Years, birthdays... ahhh!

What a blast!

Christmas Eve was a really great time... I went clubbing for the very first time!

I have never clubbed before, so I didn't really know what to expect. Me and my friends make a pre-paid booking, and surprisingly we got a very good table in a very busy club. How awesome is that? A bottle of Dewar 12 year whiskey and a bottle of Under42 Pure Vodka. Not a super selection, but good enough for RM618 on a happening night I suppose?

Off we went, picking people up on the way and bickering like a bunch of chickens. As always, arguments left and right sprung up, with swear words and pettty differences flung around like monkeys throwing shit. It was a fun drive; 6 guys arguing over nothing!

We arrived at the club, and it was packed... the line was long, and the people waiting around for others were even bigger in number... awesome stuff to come, I thought. When the manager saw us with our special bands (VIP wei!) she let us in immediately... we got some cool souveniers too! Flashing cups and popper tubes... not too shabby.

First timer in a club, I was really quite impressed with the atmosphere. I always thought clubs too packed and noisy to enjoy, but at least Maison was big enough to fit many, many people. It would be a long night.

I enjoyed most of my time there dancing, which I was very inexperienced at (1st time!). I danced mostly with my guy friends, how gay is that... but it was a fun experience, though I don't think I'd do it again anytime soon. Too expensive and tiring. At least this was a great way to kick me off to the States!

In the end, I kept being reminded of my commitments. I remember the times I had and the joy I felt with gift giving for my little lady. The little silver ring I have on my hand kept flashing at me, reminding me to stay safe, reminding me that someone's waiting for me somewhere. I didn't feel guilt because she knew I was here. I didn't miss her at the time because of all the fun. Still, in the back of my mind I knew that amongst all these partygoers around me, I was a lucky soul just trying to have some fun for now, because there'll be no time later on for such excess. Marriage might be a ball and chain to some, but love gives me the strength to carry it with ease.

How did you spend your Christmas Eve?

Time. It's a long long thing.

Even after four years, many experiences for us together are new ones. There's always a first time for everything... but what if you've done everything? What happens when you don't find joy in doing things because you've done it all? Romantics hoping to be surprised everyday by their lovers for the rest of their lives will be sorely disappointed. To me, love's the feeling you get, the feeling of safety and warmth, the surety you have that when you come home, someone's waiting for you with open arms. A little time spent appreciating each other, a lot of time spent laughing our lives away. What's life without the joy? ;)

A friend once asked, 'Are you still with her?'. I replied, 'Yes, yes of course.'
'Why? It's been a long time already.'

When you jump into love, you fall a long, long way. What's love to you?

Late nights with a glass of Koteh!

Ahh... Malaysian nights. Wonderfully spent happily chatting away with a cold drink in front of you. It's so nice to be able to spend time conversing with online friends the same way you would an old friend. I only know these guys through World of Warcraft, an online MMORPG. The only contact we have is through the words flashed onto our monitors. Still, we merrily converse on a wide array of topics, from the game world to the real world.

Every game will have its stories, its memories, and the drama involved in real life. Virtual games are still played by real people, so there are bound to be emo-queens and drama bitches in every world. Just like in real life, people meet each other and trade stories on their points of view on ttheir virtual life. It doesn't matter if we're separated by age, careers, race, or location. The memories we share and the experiences we go through together in the game bonds us as well as any real life crisis.

Malaysia, land of the carefree gluttons ;).

Perfection?

To really be happy, you have to accept that imperfection is a part of life. Strive all you want to achieve perfection, because it makes things better. Yet, you can't be happy unless you understand that in imperfection lies perfection itself.

If you keep trying for perfection, you'll only get disappointment and discontentment.

Once, a businessman was hurrying from work to get home. He saw a fisherman lying down on a beach, lazily waiting for the fish to come. The businessman glanced at his watch and, seeing he had some time, approached the fisherman.

'Hello there fisherman. Why are you just sitting there?' said the businessman.
'Why, I am enjoying my day, fishing,' the fisherman replied.
'Why don't you go and use your time to earn money to get a net?'
'What for?'
'So that you can catch more fish, earn more money, and get a fishing boat!'
'What for?' asked the fisherman, smiling.
'So that with the boat, you can catch even more fish, buy more boats, and get more money!'
The fisherman smiled even wider.
'What for?'
'So that you can get more boats, more people, and own your own fishing company!' said the frustrated businessman.
'What for?' asked the fisherman, giving his biggest smile yet.
'So that you can just laze around all day doing nothing!'
'Isn't that what I'm doing right now?'

Where do you stop achieving to be happy?

This little piece of metal..

No matter how manly a man is, no matter if he eats nails for breakfast and shits bombs for lunch, any guy who seriously aims to be a father will squeal with delight over receiving a ring from his lady for an occassion. And one of those lucky people would be me.

After sending it for a resize, I can finally be the proud wearer of a white gold ring. It now resides on my left fourth finger, glinting away in the room's light. ^_^ Life is good.

Memories.

A long time ago, I was someone who talked less and listened more. What happened to me, I wonder?

Reading a post by a friend, I realize that I've lost touch with so so many friends. I'm sure the friendships are still there, but they're buried deep in our souls somewhere. Human interaction is a fragile thing, isn't it? A few months go by, and you don't even notice it disappearing.

Hmm.

Guy's night out.

Tonight was a very fun night. I went out with Cat, WP, Neal and my brother on a night out around towns. We met up as always in SS15 (or as we later called it, the Parking Lot), to discuss about where to go next. Joking around, chatting, and generally getting frustrated at the lack of places, we finally decided to go for a drink.

We went to a little bar up in Bangsar, driving around for more than half an hour just looking for a parking space in the packed streets of Bangsar Village. Ah, the joy of five guys in the same car, bitching about life and about my face-problem in finding parking spaces. Yes, guys do bitch; Many just don't know they're doing it. Topics ranged from porn, girls, sex, money, porn, alcohol, sex, parking spaces, driving skills, sex, women, rain, and porn. Yes, we can be as weird as any other bunch of 'silly gossiping-giggling girls'.

It was during the drive that I become the epitome of patience.
WP: 'There's a parking space there!'
Me: 'It's too small.'

Sitting in a car with me at the wheel can be a journey through passenger hell. Obvious parking spaces and directions can fly by unnoticed by the blur-assed idiot that is me. Many times because of some really stupid (to the passenger) reason, but more often because of 'oopsie!'

WP: 'What the hell!? Too small? I could fit in there if you let me drive!'
Me: 'Yeah, only if you used your tiny Atos nub. This is a Merc! Long car!'
WP: '-_- Aiyo anything also can la if you try'
Me: 'It's too late anyway, haha!'
WP: 'What the fuck you dumb noob... noob la you I can't imagine how noob you are'
Me: 'You don't have to imagine, you're looking at me *sheepish grin*'
WP: 'Arghhh!!! The rain will stop before you even get a bloody space!'

Just when it was about to hit 11.30, and when the bitching about the parking spaces was at its highest the rain really did stop. :D
Me: 'Oops. Hehe. The rain really stopped, and look! We're still in the car.'
WP: 'Yalah, you dumb shit, you should have just let us off earlier.'
Cat: 'Yeah I think we can finish all the drinks before you even get a space man'
Me: 'What the hell, all of you making my feng shui bad only lah! Because of you I no parking la diu!'
Neal: 'Oh fine lah! Then we get off lah!'
Me: 'OK! Get the hell out! I gurantee can get parking once you losers are off'
WP: 'Hahaha, we'll wait by the side of the road to laugh at your face when you can't get a space'

They got off, of course. And what do you know, just as I made the final turn into the street, no less than four(4) cars pulled out of their spaces along various points in the street. Motherf--

'Idiots, see! I'm here, and my car's not far away. Hah'

Ah, life.

So we had some awesome German beer, and blabbed away as the rain fell erratically. Cat had a wonderful time checking out dozens of girls. Two girls dressed in black dresses walked past.

Cat: 'Wow! Fucking hot wei! *upon further inspection* Dude they selling Dunhill wei!'
Brother: (smoking a Dunhill at that very moment) WHAT! YOU NEVER SAY! *stands up immediately*
Oh joy.

The beer was good, the conversation great, and the weather just perfect. But, even the best of things have to end. We got up, and got away, zooming over to SS2 to chow down on some Lok Lok! Steamboat by the roadside at 1AM, a classic pasttime of lifeless-vampire-teenagers.

We sent my brother home, because he had to take a dump and was tired. The fun wasn't over yet though, as we were interested in sightseeing and exploring Kuala Lumpur. What better time than when there are few cars? That's what we thought, anyway.

Cruising around KL, we had many a laugh at each other and at the world. Life right now is just great. Good friends, good food, good life. As we turned a corner, a sight to make our night almost burst into view...

Cat: 'Welcome to the famous "Club Street" of KL fuckers! Look at all the HOT CHICKS WEI!'
WP: 'WAHHHH OH MY GOD LOOK THERE!'
Neal: 'Wah wah wah look look there there!'
Cat: 'Holy shit look there! So leng man! Wahh!'
Me: 'Look over there, the car there, bending over one.'
The rest of them: 'Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...'
You can imagine the rest of the drive.

There's a certain fun in just ogling women from the car. I think many people could either see or hear our muffled shouts of awe in the car. I feel a little guilty now that I think about it: A little voice in my head says 'You're not single anymore, dumbass'. But then, what's life without a little enjoyment? Even if those women walking the streets are sexy, beautiful or just awe-inspiring, even if they were drop dead gorgeous and just oozing 'screwmenow', I thought to myself: Hey, my little lady is just as good as any of you!

I love her for the woman she is, both in and out. Who else could I possibly live life with but the woman who's a child inside, just like me? A woman who could laugh at anything, be it life, death, suffering, and even fart jokes. A woman who can enjoy simple things like running around playing catch. A woman who can act as silly as a child. A woman who is a woman, mature and loving, in the end.

Ah, but we just had to make a few rounds of the clubs all over KL... just to have some fun. It was f-r-e-a-k-i-n' a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

Cat: 'I'm getting high on all the sexyness wei.'
WP: 'Ahahahhaha shut up you asshole and look more'
General laughter.

In the end, we went back to the Parking Lot, getting a couple of mamak drinks to cool us off and quench our thirst from all the laughing and screaming.

Cat: 'Next time, when I'm rich, I'll be like those apek in there man... bring all the hot hot chicks for fun.'
WP: 'Yea man, when got money then say la!'

We go our individual ways to our cars and then to our homes, sleeping in expectation of the new day.

And now I wonder: How long will this last? Not forever, I'm sure. I won't do all this crazy shit next time. I'll still have all these wonderful friends, of course, all these unjudging great friends. I'll have a different home to go home to, one with a slumbering wife likely, and perhaps a pair of crazier kids. I'll be expecting a late rising the next time, and the prospect of dreary work soon enough. I'll probably have bills to pay and loans to worry about, savings to calculate and costs to balance. So many great things last until you're old, and responsibilities pile on as time passes. So many opportunities for fun and laughter, and so many worries to come.

I remember my laughing friends. I remember my loving little lady. I remember the home I have now.

Life is good, muthafucka!