Duality

Ever hear the line 'It's always the quiet one you have to watch out for'? You never know if that guy smiling peacefully is just reminiscing about his latest rape, his most recent kill, his great plan to bomb something. You never know if the person walking past you is actually thinking about what it would be like to stab you. You never know if the guy in the car next to you is wondering what it would be like to throw a molotov cocktail into your open window.

Everyone has faces. Not the one that you see in the mirror, no. That's just your face looking back at you. Yet, you could say that one really does have a flipped side. Another self. An image in a mirror that only you see. The complicated part comes when you realize it's not a mirror you're looking at; it's a funhouse full of faces looking back at you. Some of those faces are familiar, similar even. Some are distorted but still very much you. Quite a number of them are very unlike the original, but retain enough to know that the image on the mirror is you.

Human beings are the same. We have different sides to show people. At home, with friends, alone, with strangers, in a classroom, with best buds, with your wife (or perhaps your husband), with your kids, or your parents. The list could go on and on. People act differently depending on the circumstances. That being the case, how in the world does one truly know another?

Following this, it is logical to think that when one has a different face, one also has different feelings. Sometimes I feel like going out. Sometimes I am out but want to be home. Sometimes I don't want to do anything but I am. Conflicts between the feelings are masked by these faces. Maybe it's just the human condition of wanting everything but yet not actually needing anything. We are all selfish, there's no denying that.

Who can we show all our faces to? Who can truly accept every part of you, every essence of your being? Who can understand your sadistic, suicidal, homicidal, violent, angry, sad, depressed, emotional, hateful, spiteful moments other than the person standing in the mirror? People have their secrets, I suppose. They just don't know they're secrets because it's just another face.

I think that trust is not just being confident in letting someone else do whatever they want. Trust is being prepared for the worst, bracing yourself in case some ugly skeleton falls out of the closet and laughing about it after that. Trust is saying 'Hey, that was then,' or 'You know what, at least in the end it was all worth it'. Those who really trust will understand. Whether or not they forgive is of course their choice.

We judge other people by their face value. We do. Regardless of what our philosophy on 'inner beauty' is, we still look at someone and judge then and there: 'Smoker. Doesn't care for life', 'Used drugs before, a total junkie and useless person', 'Salesman, no future', 'Cleaner, must be uneducated'. You never know, they could have a different face that you'll never see because of those judgements.

But then, I am pretty happy with my faces I think. They don't seem to bother me too much, and I've shown many sides to the people who are important to me. They know me for who I am, and love me for it. Who are you to decide I'm a loser? Who are you to think that I am boring? I've got a hundred other faces and they're all reserved for the people I love.

Which face are you looking at now?