Thousands of kilometers from home...

... And I am fucking freezing!

I'm in the States now.. in the Indiana Memorial Union hotel in fact. It's like 5 celcius outside, and man is it cold! I took a flight from KLIA to Taipei and then to Los Angelus Airport on MAS, then from LA to Indiana on NorthWest Airlines. The flight on MAS was horrible! So much bumping around >.<

It's a new place with a lot of new people walking around... lots of gwai-lo and like 0 of other races (oh duh.) I miss home already, I think. Especially the little lady who is sure to be missing me too! No way to really contact her either... no internet yet. Oh well...

Going to look around for the admissions office the next day, wee. Pfft, missing so many things back home, I'm sure... New Years, birthdays... ahhh!

What a blast!

Christmas Eve was a really great time... I went clubbing for the very first time!

I have never clubbed before, so I didn't really know what to expect. Me and my friends make a pre-paid booking, and surprisingly we got a very good table in a very busy club. How awesome is that? A bottle of Dewar 12 year whiskey and a bottle of Under42 Pure Vodka. Not a super selection, but good enough for RM618 on a happening night I suppose?

Off we went, picking people up on the way and bickering like a bunch of chickens. As always, arguments left and right sprung up, with swear words and pettty differences flung around like monkeys throwing shit. It was a fun drive; 6 guys arguing over nothing!

We arrived at the club, and it was packed... the line was long, and the people waiting around for others were even bigger in number... awesome stuff to come, I thought. When the manager saw us with our special bands (VIP wei!) she let us in immediately... we got some cool souveniers too! Flashing cups and popper tubes... not too shabby.

First timer in a club, I was really quite impressed with the atmosphere. I always thought clubs too packed and noisy to enjoy, but at least Maison was big enough to fit many, many people. It would be a long night.

I enjoyed most of my time there dancing, which I was very inexperienced at (1st time!). I danced mostly with my guy friends, how gay is that... but it was a fun experience, though I don't think I'd do it again anytime soon. Too expensive and tiring. At least this was a great way to kick me off to the States!

In the end, I kept being reminded of my commitments. I remember the times I had and the joy I felt with gift giving for my little lady. The little silver ring I have on my hand kept flashing at me, reminding me to stay safe, reminding me that someone's waiting for me somewhere. I didn't feel guilt because she knew I was here. I didn't miss her at the time because of all the fun. Still, in the back of my mind I knew that amongst all these partygoers around me, I was a lucky soul just trying to have some fun for now, because there'll be no time later on for such excess. Marriage might be a ball and chain to some, but love gives me the strength to carry it with ease.

How did you spend your Christmas Eve?

Time. It's a long long thing.

Even after four years, many experiences for us together are new ones. There's always a first time for everything... but what if you've done everything? What happens when you don't find joy in doing things because you've done it all? Romantics hoping to be surprised everyday by their lovers for the rest of their lives will be sorely disappointed. To me, love's the feeling you get, the feeling of safety and warmth, the surety you have that when you come home, someone's waiting for you with open arms. A little time spent appreciating each other, a lot of time spent laughing our lives away. What's life without the joy? ;)

A friend once asked, 'Are you still with her?'. I replied, 'Yes, yes of course.'
'Why? It's been a long time already.'

When you jump into love, you fall a long, long way. What's love to you?

Late nights with a glass of Koteh!

Ahh... Malaysian nights. Wonderfully spent happily chatting away with a cold drink in front of you. It's so nice to be able to spend time conversing with online friends the same way you would an old friend. I only know these guys through World of Warcraft, an online MMORPG. The only contact we have is through the words flashed onto our monitors. Still, we merrily converse on a wide array of topics, from the game world to the real world.

Every game will have its stories, its memories, and the drama involved in real life. Virtual games are still played by real people, so there are bound to be emo-queens and drama bitches in every world. Just like in real life, people meet each other and trade stories on their points of view on ttheir virtual life. It doesn't matter if we're separated by age, careers, race, or location. The memories we share and the experiences we go through together in the game bonds us as well as any real life crisis.

Malaysia, land of the carefree gluttons ;).

Perfection?

To really be happy, you have to accept that imperfection is a part of life. Strive all you want to achieve perfection, because it makes things better. Yet, you can't be happy unless you understand that in imperfection lies perfection itself.

If you keep trying for perfection, you'll only get disappointment and discontentment.

Once, a businessman was hurrying from work to get home. He saw a fisherman lying down on a beach, lazily waiting for the fish to come. The businessman glanced at his watch and, seeing he had some time, approached the fisherman.

'Hello there fisherman. Why are you just sitting there?' said the businessman.
'Why, I am enjoying my day, fishing,' the fisherman replied.
'Why don't you go and use your time to earn money to get a net?'
'What for?'
'So that you can catch more fish, earn more money, and get a fishing boat!'
'What for?' asked the fisherman, smiling.
'So that with the boat, you can catch even more fish, buy more boats, and get more money!'
The fisherman smiled even wider.
'What for?'
'So that you can get more boats, more people, and own your own fishing company!' said the frustrated businessman.
'What for?' asked the fisherman, giving his biggest smile yet.
'So that you can just laze around all day doing nothing!'
'Isn't that what I'm doing right now?'

Where do you stop achieving to be happy?

This little piece of metal..

No matter how manly a man is, no matter if he eats nails for breakfast and shits bombs for lunch, any guy who seriously aims to be a father will squeal with delight over receiving a ring from his lady for an occassion. And one of those lucky people would be me.

After sending it for a resize, I can finally be the proud wearer of a white gold ring. It now resides on my left fourth finger, glinting away in the room's light. ^_^ Life is good.

Memories.

A long time ago, I was someone who talked less and listened more. What happened to me, I wonder?

Reading a post by a friend, I realize that I've lost touch with so so many friends. I'm sure the friendships are still there, but they're buried deep in our souls somewhere. Human interaction is a fragile thing, isn't it? A few months go by, and you don't even notice it disappearing.

Hmm.

Guy's night out.

Tonight was a very fun night. I went out with Cat, WP, Neal and my brother on a night out around towns. We met up as always in SS15 (or as we later called it, the Parking Lot), to discuss about where to go next. Joking around, chatting, and generally getting frustrated at the lack of places, we finally decided to go for a drink.

We went to a little bar up in Bangsar, driving around for more than half an hour just looking for a parking space in the packed streets of Bangsar Village. Ah, the joy of five guys in the same car, bitching about life and about my face-problem in finding parking spaces. Yes, guys do bitch; Many just don't know they're doing it. Topics ranged from porn, girls, sex, money, porn, alcohol, sex, parking spaces, driving skills, sex, women, rain, and porn. Yes, we can be as weird as any other bunch of 'silly gossiping-giggling girls'.

It was during the drive that I become the epitome of patience.
WP: 'There's a parking space there!'
Me: 'It's too small.'

Sitting in a car with me at the wheel can be a journey through passenger hell. Obvious parking spaces and directions can fly by unnoticed by the blur-assed idiot that is me. Many times because of some really stupid (to the passenger) reason, but more often because of 'oopsie!'

WP: 'What the hell!? Too small? I could fit in there if you let me drive!'
Me: 'Yeah, only if you used your tiny Atos nub. This is a Merc! Long car!'
WP: '-_- Aiyo anything also can la if you try'
Me: 'It's too late anyway, haha!'
WP: 'What the fuck you dumb noob... noob la you I can't imagine how noob you are'
Me: 'You don't have to imagine, you're looking at me *sheepish grin*'
WP: 'Arghhh!!! The rain will stop before you even get a bloody space!'

Just when it was about to hit 11.30, and when the bitching about the parking spaces was at its highest the rain really did stop. :D
Me: 'Oops. Hehe. The rain really stopped, and look! We're still in the car.'
WP: 'Yalah, you dumb shit, you should have just let us off earlier.'
Cat: 'Yeah I think we can finish all the drinks before you even get a space man'
Me: 'What the hell, all of you making my feng shui bad only lah! Because of you I no parking la diu!'
Neal: 'Oh fine lah! Then we get off lah!'
Me: 'OK! Get the hell out! I gurantee can get parking once you losers are off'
WP: 'Hahaha, we'll wait by the side of the road to laugh at your face when you can't get a space'

They got off, of course. And what do you know, just as I made the final turn into the street, no less than four(4) cars pulled out of their spaces along various points in the street. Motherf--

'Idiots, see! I'm here, and my car's not far away. Hah'

Ah, life.

So we had some awesome German beer, and blabbed away as the rain fell erratically. Cat had a wonderful time checking out dozens of girls. Two girls dressed in black dresses walked past.

Cat: 'Wow! Fucking hot wei! *upon further inspection* Dude they selling Dunhill wei!'
Brother: (smoking a Dunhill at that very moment) WHAT! YOU NEVER SAY! *stands up immediately*
Oh joy.

The beer was good, the conversation great, and the weather just perfect. But, even the best of things have to end. We got up, and got away, zooming over to SS2 to chow down on some Lok Lok! Steamboat by the roadside at 1AM, a classic pasttime of lifeless-vampire-teenagers.

We sent my brother home, because he had to take a dump and was tired. The fun wasn't over yet though, as we were interested in sightseeing and exploring Kuala Lumpur. What better time than when there are few cars? That's what we thought, anyway.

Cruising around KL, we had many a laugh at each other and at the world. Life right now is just great. Good friends, good food, good life. As we turned a corner, a sight to make our night almost burst into view...

Cat: 'Welcome to the famous "Club Street" of KL fuckers! Look at all the HOT CHICKS WEI!'
WP: 'WAHHHH OH MY GOD LOOK THERE!'
Neal: 'Wah wah wah look look there there!'
Cat: 'Holy shit look there! So leng man! Wahh!'
Me: 'Look over there, the car there, bending over one.'
The rest of them: 'Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...'
You can imagine the rest of the drive.

There's a certain fun in just ogling women from the car. I think many people could either see or hear our muffled shouts of awe in the car. I feel a little guilty now that I think about it: A little voice in my head says 'You're not single anymore, dumbass'. But then, what's life without a little enjoyment? Even if those women walking the streets are sexy, beautiful or just awe-inspiring, even if they were drop dead gorgeous and just oozing 'screwmenow', I thought to myself: Hey, my little lady is just as good as any of you!

I love her for the woman she is, both in and out. Who else could I possibly live life with but the woman who's a child inside, just like me? A woman who could laugh at anything, be it life, death, suffering, and even fart jokes. A woman who can enjoy simple things like running around playing catch. A woman who can act as silly as a child. A woman who is a woman, mature and loving, in the end.

Ah, but we just had to make a few rounds of the clubs all over KL... just to have some fun. It was f-r-e-a-k-i-n' a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

Cat: 'I'm getting high on all the sexyness wei.'
WP: 'Ahahahhaha shut up you asshole and look more'
General laughter.

In the end, we went back to the Parking Lot, getting a couple of mamak drinks to cool us off and quench our thirst from all the laughing and screaming.

Cat: 'Next time, when I'm rich, I'll be like those apek in there man... bring all the hot hot chicks for fun.'
WP: 'Yea man, when got money then say la!'

We go our individual ways to our cars and then to our homes, sleeping in expectation of the new day.

And now I wonder: How long will this last? Not forever, I'm sure. I won't do all this crazy shit next time. I'll still have all these wonderful friends, of course, all these unjudging great friends. I'll have a different home to go home to, one with a slumbering wife likely, and perhaps a pair of crazier kids. I'll be expecting a late rising the next time, and the prospect of dreary work soon enough. I'll probably have bills to pay and loans to worry about, savings to calculate and costs to balance. So many great things last until you're old, and responsibilities pile on as time passes. So many opportunities for fun and laughter, and so many worries to come.

I remember my laughing friends. I remember my loving little lady. I remember the home I have now.

Life is good, muthafucka!

Perfect day; Simple joys; Laughter-filled nights.

The day I celebrated my anniversary with my little lady was a joyous occassion. The perfect day, one could say.

Every year, I do a little something special to make the occassion unique. I don't quite remember what I did the first year, or the second... ah, but pictures bring back the memories...

The first anniversary ever was marked by the gift of a necklace...
We went out to have a long walk around the shopping center (Sunway Pyramid in fact!), watching a movie and just enjoying each other's company. I remember seeing this little stall selling accessories that could have printed pictures on them. Planning earlier for it, we had a photo ready to print, but decided to instead take the picture on the spot to remember that moment. Ah, the joy of seeing our faces together, imprinted forever on a silver heart. The date of that special day and the names of these two intertwined souls were printed on the back, to be worn and remembered as long as it lasts.

The second year was a bit more... evil on my part.
This little lady of mine always hinted about getting a ring... it was so cute, and kind of funny when I think about it...

'I want a ring. When you gonna get me one?'
My, wasn't that direct.
And on another day... 'Platinum's the best... doesn't rust, ya know? :D'.

Ah, but rings are expensive little affairs. Going at prices much higher than your average teenage boy's allowance, it'd take a long, long time to get one... oh well... maybe in a few years time, yeah?

Or so I made her think.

Oh, the delicious joy of imagining the look on her face if I got one. I thought of a plan early on:
1. Buy her a ring.
2. Hint/Reinforce that I don't have the money for one.
3. Surprises are good.

Simple, but yet so wonderfully lovely.

Oh... I had it all planned out by then. I'd hide the ring in a handmade card. The card could be hung by a little red ribbon, and have cute pictures of me all over it. The ribbon would hold the ring for me, right in the middle of the card when it's opened. Ah, but how could I have foreseen that my cute faces (true fact) could distract her?

Ingeniously, I hid the card in the glove compartment. I recorded her opening it, squealing with joy. The best part was that she didn't notice the ring! Ah, life, how you give me opportunities.

The third year wasn't all that different, I guess. Surprises are always good ;).
I went to her house while she was at work. She'd never suspect me coming, so why not lay out a nice little something to perk up her day? I set to work, putting presents smack dab in the middle of her living room, with a large piece of paper saying 'Happy Anniversary!' highlighted in yellow. I set up a camera, waiting to record her entry and her guranteed look of surprise.

Oh life, you give me such wonderful opportunities for laughter.

I didn't really expect it, but wasn't surprised when she didn't notice the big banner and shifted furniture. All this I saw later when I reviewed the recording. I laughed so hard as she looked upon my gift in consternation and annoyed happiness. Ah, me.

After that, we went out for long walks around a shopping center, window shopping and even buying a thing or two as we chattered happily. We went home to rest up for dinner - a reservation for two at Rakuzen, a really nice Japanese restaurant out in Subang Jaya. Good stuff!

The best part of the day was the journey there and back. All the traffic lights turned green as I approached; traffic was unusually smooth for the hour; a parking space opened up for my car right in front of the restaurant. We had a cozy little corner for food, and ate to our heart's content. On the way home, the ligths again turned green for me. The craziest end to it all was when even the elevator doors opened up when we got there - And no one came out!
______________________

Good times, truly. Three years of happiness, together for the rest of our lives. Life is good. I love this little lady of mine, and no one can change that.

Three Years of Love

On Saturday, October the 6th, 2007, I celebrated my third year of being together with my wonderful little lady. It was a wonderful day, where everything seemed to go right. It was everything I expected it to be.

Evil plans, wonderful surprises, simple joys. What more could a man ask for in a day?

Give me a little perspective...

What is life and how life is lived differs from each person according to their perspectives. One person would view life as a journey; One would view it as torture; One would view it as a test.

Depending on the perspective, life could be good, bad, fun, boring, long, or short. A newly-married couple sees only the brightest future ahead of them. A long-time divorcee sees a future fraught with hopelessness and depression. A child sees only tomorrow. An old man looks back at yesterday.

So who has the right perspective in life?

I have always looked at my life as a good one. The future is always bright. There are so many things that we can do tomorrow, so many things that we can look forward to. And once tomorrow comes, we do those things, which makes them things we can proudly look back on. It's all one big circle. We are who we are on things that we have done, things we are doing, and things we plan on doing. So why look forward with despair and pessimism?

'Wake up! The world isn't as great or easy as you think it is.'

Why? Why can't I look ahead with optimism and carefree joy? It's not as if the world is in much danger. It's not like the Apocalypse is coming anytime soon.

'The world has so many things that are bad that you just don't know about.'

I know there are many things I don't know. I know that I haven't suffered at all (relatively). I am aware that caring about these things seems to be important. Unfortunately, I am not so great as to be able to see the other side at all times. I do my best, tolerating and empathizing with others. Rich people don't see how the poor suffer. Self-centered customers don't know what it's like on the other side of the kitchen/shop. Bad drivers just don't realize how they drive.

All because they don't see themselves from a third person perspective.

Looking at the world, you can see the sadness, the cruelty, the torture, the suffering. But then, why focus on that all the time? Look at yourself: See the simple joys in your life. See the smiles on your friends faces. Feel their joy, and embrace it as your own.

I think wearing rose-tinted glasses and seeing the good is better than putting yourself down with stark reality.

Envy.

Even though I say I'm satisfied, I still feel this maddening feeling of envy for others...

'Man I wish I was that lucky.'
'Wow I wish I had that.'
'I want that so bad.'
'Why can't I be like that?'

These thoughts all make me doubt myself. Am I truly as satisfied as I think I am? Is it a natural thing to want more than you have? I think it is. Someone said that it is because we want more, therefore we progress, we evolve, we grow.

So is it all that bad to envy? And is it all that good to be satisfied?

Great men and women have told us: Get what you deserve! Reap your rewards! You need this! Do it for yourself! Make it in life! You are better than that!

Have you wondered just how long you have to do that? When will you stop 'deserving'?

It is then I think... I have a fully equipped body. I have a wonderful family. I have a loving little lady. I have more friends than fingers. I have the opportunity to learn, to grow, to be me.

I am satisfied.

Into the fray, once more!

He was there once before. He did what everyone else had done before. The pain, the anguish, the joy; he had experienced it all. He left it all behind.

And yet, he tries again.
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Pfft, here I am, typing away at 1.38 AM, wondering if this one will last longer than the rest. It's always been a bit iffy, this blog thing. I wonder if I'll have something substantial to blog about this time?

Let's begin with some words on the title...

'Envy my satisfaction'

I am satisfied with life. Right now, I have nothing to do about it, and it is good. I know that in the future, I'll have to work hard to continue being satisfied. Yet, how many of us here can say that we are truly satisfied with what we have?

'I want a better car.'
'I wish he loved me more.'
'I wish she would care.'
'I want more money.'


'I want a better life.'

We want and we want and we want. When we do get what we want, we want more. More, more, more. More money, more health, more love, more respect. Can't you be happy with what you have?

Even if you say: 'I am still living with my family; what would you know about satisfaction?', what about those other millions of people who are living with their families? Are they truly happy with their lives? Can they honestly say that they don't need anything more, that they can live their lives this way forever?

Can you accept the life you live?

I think I can.