The stuff of heroes...

America could be very well known for its belief in freedom: Freedom of speech, freedom to believe, freedom to do anything which is not against the law. Its value on the right to live free is almost legendary by now. What more could be said of this love of freedom than the idea of a super hero?

The greatest and most noble of people who sacrifice themselves to save the day! They battle foes and super villains, keeping the world safe for us puny mortals. Songs have been sung, comics have been drawn, and movies have been made for these mighty masters of the universe. At the end of a long day, after hours of frustrating math, I saw my first All-American Superhero...

American Bubble Wrap Man.

'Greetings citizen!'

I startled at such a formal hello. I waved awkwardly as the supreme image of a man fully dressed in red and blue colored bubble wrap walked up towards me.

'Have you seen any super villains about tonight?' he cheerfully asked.

Jeez, this guy even has the accent of a superhero down. I replied no, overawed by his presence. Wreathed in the finest blue and red bubble wrap, with a long cape of the flag of America, he wielded a mighty rubber hammer which would smite his foes with a squeak. As I walked on, he randomly greeted more people and asked the same question.

Later on, I overheard him reveal one of his greatest weaknesses. So bold! It was as if he were inviting evil villains to try using his weakness, but he would just overcome it with a swing of his mighty rubber hammer.

'Trees and wind are my only weakness!' he cried out.

He tried to chop down the tree with a mighty swing of his hammer. It whistled with deadly accuracy and bounced off the trunk.

'Damn you foliage! Damn youuuu!'

I walked on into the night, knowing that - at least for tonight - I would be just a little safer with a great man like him walking around. I felt at peace, because the world was being watched over by such people as American Bubble Wrap Man.

I laughed my ass off when I got far enough.